Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Draft Press Release 2:Image Building

February 3, 2009
For Immediate Release
Burger Planet
54321 French Fry Drive
Gary, Indiana 12345



Burger Planet Goes Healthy
Burger Planet Appeals to Women 30-40 Years Old


GARY, Indiana—Burger Planet has decided to offer a healthier menu for its loyal customers. After many tests and surveys, Burger Planet realized that with the new trends and fashion in the world today, customers, particularly women from ages 30-40, wanted healthier choices on the menu.

Burger Planet has hired Jayne Petersen to help with this health movement. Jayne Petersen has helped many women live a healthier lifestyle, and she is going to do the same for the customers of Burger Planet. She and Burger Planet will launch a program to assist women in making healthier decisions. When asked about the hiring of Jayne, James Meullenbach III, CEO of Burger Planet, had this to say, "Jayne Petersen and Burger Planet share a commitment toward health. The women Jayne Petersen have helped lose weight eat at Burger Planet. Burger Planet and Jayne Petersen are launching a comprehensive program to assist those women in eating healthy."

The first of the new items that are on the menu is a white mean chicken breast, this chicken breast can also be wrapped in a piece of lettuce in case the person ordering is on a low carb diet. Another option that we have is that customers can ask for no mayo on their sandwiches, this will save 500 calories off of anything with mayo on it. Also in the past year we offer a variety of fruit slices to the menu. We have the following healthy fruits for our customers to enjoy: apples, grapes, peaches, pineapple, or bananas. None of our current competitors offer these types of menu items.

Burger Planet is committed to doing what our customers want. Our customers want healthier options on the menu, so that is what we have given them.


Matt Ferris
Public Relations Department
253-312-2387
mfpr@burgerplanet.com



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2 comments:

Matt Frandsen said...

Well written, it has good flow and lots of information. The only thing I would add is a boiler plate at the end with all the company info. I liked the way you wrote it so it seems like Jayne Petersen will actually consult with the company and their new manu items

Joshua Rosen said...

You have minor AP style problems. In your first paragraph, I wouldn't really use "trends and fashion." I would use trends and X the fashion. You also switch from first person to third person from the first two paragraphs to the last paragraphs. I also think that you should rewrite the lead paragraph. The first sentence is great, the rest isn't really needed until later.

I like your style of writing. It is very active. Good job